Club International August 1989

4 TEASE! holidays in the sun 5 ONE MORE TIME Justine time again 6 IN THE BAG letters play 7 FOOT PATROL deep sole 8 YOU GOTTA BE JOKING! wise cracks 11 ASSES UP CUM OFF IT! pull the other one 13 CHARLI Hollywood humping 20  ASK ANDREA dressing down 26 WILD HORSES raunchy ranchers ride ow 29 BEYOND THE PALE white nights 40 FAST LANE for d' Ford fans 42 NEXT DOOR WET DREAM Julianne opens up 52 SEKA downright dirty deeds 54 STEPHANIE STEPS OUT! Stephanie and Stephanie double up 62 ON THE BOX the best in blue 64 GOLDEN COOZE creamer of the crop 66 TALKIN' BLUE pulsating porn 78 BIG SHOT bigger is better 90 NATASHA cunt out of control EDITORIAL NOTE The CI Editorial Rabble is in a good mood. It is 11 am: the new Guns 'n' Roses release is on the CD player, the coffee is hot, we've all had a couple of pastrami on ryes and it's bar time in two hours. Nothing clouds the day: the huge roof garden atop our palatial CI HQ is full of birds twittering, gently waving cedar trees and my personal collection of lizards, basking in the sun. At times like this a thought frequently occurs to me. I need a vacation. It's true. All this pressure wears you down after a while. It's really hard having to face all those blonde bombshells, leggy brunettes and ravishing redheads. If you spend all year doing nothing but meeting stunningly beautiful women who take their clothes off all the time, you need a good break. But where can you go at this time of year? Well, you could go somewhere foreign. But there are problems there. They're called foreigners. All those anti-American raving revolutionary sons-of-bitches who wouldn't know a good hamburger from a prickly pear. You wanna list? Well, I thought of going to the following places and came up with these objections: Mexico: bankrupt, boiling hot, unstable, and why should I go there when every Mexican I ever heard of wants to come here? England: a bunch of chinless toffee-noses getting smug about their rainswept piece of dirt. And a few soccer hooligans. Forget it. France: piddling, smelly and full of girls who don't shave their armpits. The Caribbean: a few people shooting at you while everyone else is doped out of their heads. Australia: more sheep than anywhere else in the world, but they all wear polyester clothes. They also have more words meaning "to vomit" than any other country on earth. I've decided to vacation in Columbus, Ohio this year. I have heard that there are no beautiful women in Columbus, and definitely none who are going to throw themselves at me and take their clothes off. Maybe they'll prove me wrong ...