Hustler February 2009

GIRLS 26 CAPRI Fill in Her Blanks Photography by Mark Lit 45 REBECCA LYNN Golden Opportunity Photography by Jose Luis 64 ABBEY BROOKS & DERRICK PIERCE Got Gas? Photography by Matti Klatt 84 ANGELINA ARMANI She Floored Us Photography by Matti Klatt 111 NIKKI JAYNE & FRANZISKA FACELLA The Pickup Artist Photography by Matti Klatt 130 VERONICA SAINT This Saint's a Sinner Photography by J Stephen Hicks 175 JESSICA DIFEO Pinch Me, I'm Dreaming Photography by Holly Randall FEATURES 38 THE Q&A: H. LOUIS SIRKIN, PART 2 The famed defender of free speech explains how changes in the law endanger your personal freedom. Interview by Bruce David and Maeve Vanessa Scanlon 42 HOW TO CHEAT AT FOOTBALL Award-winning sportswriter explains the NFL's dirtiest tricks. by Scott Ostler 53 END GAME: THE BUSH FINANCIAL SCAM Former New York governor Eliot Spitzer kicks off our "Depression Issue" by exposing how and why our economy was destroyed. 54 10 WAYS TO SURVIVE THE DEPRESSION How to get through the hard times. by Ted Newsom 56 RUN YOUR CAR ON VEGETABLE OIL The "Veggie Van" man explains how to drive on French fry oil! by Josh Tickell 57 CRUISE ON BOOZE Methanol: Is it better than gasoline? 60 YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN A DEPRESSION WHEN... Cartoon feature by George Trosley 63 HUSTLER'S GREAT GAS GIVEAWAY Drive free on Larry Flynt's dime! 74 THE SUNSET STRIP MURDERS A psycho nurse joins a sadistic drifter to hunt hookers and plunge L.A. into terror. by Jamie Schram 78 MY SECRET LIFE AS A STRIPPER Pole dances, pasties, T-bars...and Top Ramen? Sultry Sun Karma tells all. 81 COUGARS UNLEASHED #1 They're not older; they're better. Growwwllll! STANDARDS 3 SEX PARODY It's what's for dinner 7 PUBLISHER'S STATEMENT Put the Pigs in Jail! by Larry Flynt 9 TECH KNOW Scandyna speakers giveaway 10 GAME ON NBA, MLB and HAC (hot Asian chick) 11 ROBERT SCHEER Common Sense...and Uncommon Stupidity 13 NAT HENTOFF Africa's Hitler 15 ALEX BENNETT Talk, Talk, Talk 17 FEEDBACK Marooned Marines and sock-it-to-me Sochee 18 POLITICAL PARODY Monsanto's poisonous milk 19 ASSHOLE OF THE MONTH Joe Lieberman, Israeli Senator? 21 BITS & PIECES Kim Kardashian gets licked Sunny Leone uploads, plus Howard Stern's Blue Iris 36 HOT LETTERS Real-life erotica from our readers 37 CLASSIC CARTOONS Taste-free giggles from the past 76 THE GIRLS OF MYSPACE Porn newbie Jessica Valentino 96 HUSTLER HUMOR I just pissed myself 99 GINA KING PINUP 102 SIGHTS & SOUNDS Hinder's got balls, plus ABC's Martin Fry and rocker Matthew Sweet 106 MOVIE MAMMARIES Sexy sci-fi starlets Milla Jovovich and Jane Fonda 109 FAMOUS FLESH Sarah Marshall: London-calling Brit nip-slip 119 TAILS OF THE BUNNYRANCH Shit Happens by Mira 120 COLLEGE REPORT Saving venerable trees in Berkeley 121 REAL COLLEGE GIRLS Sarah 122 EROTIC ENTERTAINMENT Cockbuster rollout: Roller Dollz, Pirates II and more 139 BEAVER HUNT The ultimate amateur roundup PUBLSHER'S STATEMENT PUT THE PIGS IN JAIL! Our economy is in shambles thanks to deregu- lation, which has allowed greed to rule the marketplace. Taking advantage of the system, predatory lenders made mortgage loans they knew would have a high default rate. What did they care? They had already made sure to line their pockets. That's why you don't see any CEOs from Lehman Brothers or Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac being evicted from their homes and living in their cars. In fact, many—if not all of them—left their shattered companies with golden parachutes. So the taxpayers clean up the mess while the culprits sun themselves in the Bahamas. Is that reasonable? Not the way I see it. Let's freeze the assets of these corporate pigs, then put them on trial. Need a criminal charge? How about treason, given that they have led our country to bankruptcy? And if not treason, then simple theft. The American people want justice. If we have to pay, then those who brought us to ruin should pay as well—in spades.