Playboy December 2002

COVER STORY Not since Bettie Page has a fetish model inspired such passion as cover girl Dita von Teese. She's the queen of kinky pleasures (bow down). PLAYBOY had Contributing Photographer Arny Freytag strap on a camera while she slipped out of her handcuffs and vinyl—and out of her clothes. Our Rabbit is armed for fun. FEATURES 74 HOW TO SAVE YOUR ASS IN A SCANDAL We're human. Sooner or later we all make mistakes. And somebody always knows about them. Be sure to memorize these rules—it's the only way to avoid the stockade. BY JAMIE MALANOWSKI 102 CELEBRITY CHRISTMAS CAROLS It's that time of year again. Dick and W reconsider career choices, Mike Piazza dons gay apparel and Cardinal Law hums "What Child Is This." BY ROBERT S. WIEDER 104 HOLLYWOOD'S UNSOLVED MYSTERIES Who bludgeoned Bob Crane? Did Natalie Wood fall, or was she pushed? How did Superman die? Tinseltown's longest-running hits are all about death with a whiff of scandal. BY STEVE POND 110 LIVE FROM NEW YORK: SNL STILL KILLS A writer for the original Saturday Night Live runs down every cast member of every year. For fans of American comedy, this one's a keeper. BY ANNE BEATTS 128 THE BEST DAMN JOB PERIOD Fox' Best Damn Sports Show Period, the TV tailgate party, was tailor-made for Tom Arnold. "I get to show America my humor—dick, gay and fat jokes," he writes. An exclusive excerpt from the year's funniest book. BY TOM ARNOLD 131 SNOW FEAR Maybe you watched those death-defying Olympians scream down the ice on skeletons. How about speed skiing at 140 mph? If you're an adrenaline buckaroo, here's your chance to join the fun. BY LARRY OLMSTED 137 PLAYBOY'S COLLEGE BASKETBALL PREVIEW Our hoops experts have an amazing record in picking the brackets—so don't bet a buck until you've read this. BY GARY COLE AND DAVID KAPLAN 142 PLAYBOY'S ANNUAL MUSIC POLL It's time to assess the past year's music scene—and we want to hear from you. 147 PINK AND HER AMAZING WONDERDOG, FUCKER Pink talks about sex, drugs and getting arrested. (And her crazy canine.) BY ALISON PRATO 151 CENTERFOLDS ON SEX: HEIDI MARK Heidi likes nipple clamps and handcuffs. But tattoos? Ouch, they hurt! 158 HOW TO MOTOR IN A MINI Secrets to getting busy in BMW's tight little box. BY DONALD ERICKSON 160 20Q GREG KINNEAR The star of Auto Focus and As Good As It Gets describes running through machine-gun fire in Lebanon, swears he didn't pay for those Loverboy tickets and says Arizona girls knock the socks off rival Arizona State girls. BY ROBERT CRANE FICTION 94 THE DETECTIVE Detective Larry Starczek worried about the usual things—getting a new garden hose, the line on tomorrow's hockey game. Then his job threw him into the dark realm of a gruesome triple murder at the local diner. BY SCOTT TUROW INTERVIEW 67 DENZEL WASHINGTON He's won a Best Actor Oscar and gets $20 million a picture. That's given him the power to direct his first feature and sound off on racism and some other isms in Hollywood, as well as on the rumor he won't do sex scenes. BY MICHAEL FLEMING PICTORIALS 80 WOMEN OF WORLDCOM You've watched their company unravel. Now comes the fun part. 114 PLAYMATE: LANI TODD Lani loves to "change skins—a dominatrix one day, a rodeo girl the next." Our kind of lady. 152 SEX STARS Nelly, Halle, Angelina, Anna K and Anna Nicole helped 2002's temperature rise. 162 DITA VON TEESE The world's top fetish model turns us on. NOTES AND NEWS 14 CALIFORNIA DREAMIN' Hef's Midsummer Night's Dream party is the Oscars in lingerie. 16 CALIFORNIA DREAMIN' CONTINUED Britney Spears, Matthew Perry and Ali Landry party like Puck. 57 THE PLAYBOY FORUM Lenny Bruce, our hero; the United States of porn—an update. 199 PLAYMATE NEWS The evolution of Anna Nicole, Hef's crib on MTV DEPARTMENTS 3 PLAYBILL 19 DEAR PLAYBOY 23 AFTER HOURS 40 WIRED, GAMES, LIVING ONLINE 44 PLAYBOY TV 46 PLAYBOY.COM 48 MEN 51 MANTRACK 55 THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR 126 PARTY JOKES 184 WHERE AND HOW TO BUY 203 ON THE SCENE 204 GRAPEVINE 206 POTPOURRI LIFESTYLE 88 PLAYBOY'S HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE A Fiat 500, Nike driver, BMW bike—got your credit card out? 98 FASHION: MY BIG, FAT OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY Act bad and look good—and hands off the boss' wife. BY JOSEPH DE ACETIS 134 DOWNED AND DIRTY You know the naughty names. Now learn how to mix the girl-friendly drinks. BY RAY FOLEY 148 DMX STYLE GUIDE The star rapper's look is as uncompromising as his music. BY JOSEPH DE ACETIS REVIEWS 32 MOVIES Halle is hot in 007, Leo is bad in Gangs of New York. 36 VIDEO Holiday horrors, Star Wars. 38 MUSIC Dot Allison, Ruben Blades and Tom Petty. 42 BOOKS S&M, booze, bowling, cigars and cars—life's good at Christmas.