Swank # 53, December 2001

6 Alexandra Two words: fucking hot! 14 Letters You horny little fuckers! 17 Phoenix & Bobby Here's one way to keep your dick clean! 29 Betty Page's 1952 Pick-Up This deck is fully stacked! 32 Tawni She holds her own ho-down! 46 How To Make A Porno We drop the knowledge—you drop the load! 50 Swan & Jacynda In matters of art, taste is everything! 64 Quickies You won't believe this shit! 66 Abi A sweet taste of the Southwest! 74 Tales Of The Unexplained They're baaaack! 77 Terri Ah, the great outdoors! 86 Stuff The good, the bad, the fugly! 88 Michelle Camp in her little pink tent? 101 Swank's Pranks Funnier than a sack of otters! 103 Gabi She'll do more than talk! 110 Top 10 XXX Videos The creme de la creme of porn! 114 Bobbi Eight pages of wild smut! 122 Indestructable Harder than you! 182 Houston Fluffer chicks and porno dicks! 185 Daniella & Gabe She fucks, sucks, and swallows! Editorial Note Its tough to get a read on people. Someone says one thing, means something else, then does something entirely separate from what they said or meant. And then, as soon as it all happens, as much as you may or may not enjoy it, it's over. It's all part of reality, but none of it's real. Or so it seems. Whatever the fuck that means! But, in the miniscule amount of space I have to speak to you, I say that to say this: whatever your existence has served up in the past few weeks, take a minute or two and have a seat, 'cause Swank's done it again! The lines of reality are clearly defined as, Abi, Phoenix, and Terri deliver what everyone understands. No guesswork here, folks, these girls are naked and horny! Bobbi, Danielle, Tawni, and Michelle join the ranks of your thanks as they strip down and give it their all! And if you stay with us for a moment longer, you'll be more than pleased to meet Gabi, Swan and Jacynda! Hey, remember what I said about things not being real, like, one paragraph ago? Well, that was real! But what we have in this month's Tales of the Unexplained is un-fucking-real! Get this—one minute, someone's dead; the next minute, they're climbing out of their coffins, as if nothing happened! Are they modern day resurrectionists, lucky stiffs, or just poorly diagnosed patients? Find out in, "Back From The Brink!" Then, the only things more unbreakable than the human bodies in that last story are the products in "The Indestructible!" The latest and greatest in wares that won't fail, snap, tear, or disintegrate—guaranteed! From bulletproof cars to the ultimate doormats and goal posts, it's all there! And, for all of you do-it-yourselfers out there, this is the ultimate how-to! Tired of those subpar amateur pornos you've been watching night after night? Think you can do better? Well, quit being a critic, break out the cameras and tube, and be a director! That's right, you'll be the Spermberg of the porn world when Swank drops some serious knowledge in "Make Your Own Porn Movie!" All this, plus the wit and wisdom of Houston, our ridiculously funny Jokes, steamy Letters, smut-smut-smutty XXX Reviews, and a whole lot more! And that, as they say, is that! —The Editors