Swank # 70, March 2003

6 Katie What a perfect opening, er, opener! 14 Letters You've got tail! 18 Alexis & Dillon Taking a dip in her deep end! 26 Badmuthafuckas: Three Hots And A Cot The nastiest prisons in the world! 30 Cherry Rain You live in a barn? Close those legs! 38 Tales of the Unexplained: Damned Things Cursed collectibles! 41 Monica & Bobbi Two girls, unlimited smut! 50 How-To: Mail Order Bride The postage is definitely worth it! 52 Daisy Her cookie's fresher than a...daisy! 60 Senor Swanky See something cool? 62 Stuff Products for consumers, hooray! 65 Jodie This is no way to wash a car! 78 Teen Of The Month: Lucy What's better than teen trim? 86 Quickies Reports of the uniquely stupid! 90 Centerfold This is where it gets fun! 100 Horny Devils Our resident side-splitters! 103 Tabitha & Jace In the snatch or down the hatch? 110 Sin Twins Sexy sisters solve your conundrums! 114 Christie One blonde who ain't afraid to show the pink! 118 Jizz Bizz Welcome to the porn party! 122 Flixxx Video vixens and DVDeflowerings! 186 Ashley & Rebecca Pussy: The breakfast of champions! Editorial Note Somtimes I have to pat myself on the back and congratulate myself on being so brilliant. Then, I forget what it is that makes me so fucking smart, and I feel like a jackass. For example, I had the best editor's page in my head for the entire weekend. I sat there and thought, "Well played, old man, well played—another great one!" But here we are, Monday fucking morning, and I've got nothing. All traces of the ultimate 100 words you'd ever read in your life disappeared as if they'd never existed. Better let the ladies do the talking... I mean, you'd listen to Jodie, Monica, and Katie, right? How about Christie, Lucy, Cherry, Ashley and Rebecca? Of course you would. And what's the good word from Daisy, Tabitha, Alexis, and Zoe? Well, the word is legs. Let's spread the word. Okay, to compensate for that crappy joke, I submit to you this month's Tales of the Unexplained! What is it about certain objects that make them collectible? Is it the idea that one day they may be worth mucho dinero? Is it sentimental? Or, is it that they're totally cursed? Check out "Damned Things" and judge for yourself! They may not go up in value, but they sure will scare the shit out of you! Speaking of scary, you might think snapping a few photos all over the world is harmless work—easy stuff, right? Wrong-o! Soak in Barry Brooks' "Beyond Manila" and prepare to soak your trousers! There's no reason why a snap shot should get you shot at—or is there? Luckily our fearless photographer didn't end up in prison for his photos. If he did, he would have been quite familiar with Bad Muthafuckas "Three Hots And A Cot—In Hell!" The baddest lock-ups in the world! Places that make low-level cons say, "Shit!" Places you don't want to be—ever! Places, that...aah, you get it. All this, plus How To Grab a Mail Order Bride, advice from the Sin Twins, the latest Flixxx, the most outrageous Quickies, more Stuff, hip tips from Senor Swanky, what's going down in the Jizz Bizz, funny shit from the Horny Devil, and much, much more! Unrelated piece of advice: he who laughs the loudest is probably a douchebag. —The Editors