Swank # 77, October 2003

6 Jordan Hot blonde opens her pink! 14 Letters Hey, that's not stamp glue! 17 Gauge & Cheyne Tropical trim treat! 26 Escort Rip-Offs Get more bang for your buck! 29 Vanessa Will someone cum on those tits already!? 36 Senor Swanky Wanna see something cool? 40 Lindsey & Misty Heating up with a cool shower! 48 Modern Pirates Ahoy, maties! 51 Teen Of The Month: Katie Her cherry for the poppin'! 61 Stuff 'Cause you need this! 62 Money Honey What she does for cash? 66 Erica Leader of the "Toys For Twats" program! 72 How To: Make Your Own Porno Can you do better? 74 Ember & Dean Got milk? 84 Tales Of The Unexplained: Death To Mankind Wild animals gone wilder! 88 Gia Big-tithed chick needs the dick! 100 Horny Devils Some funny shit! 102 Traci Come on and slip it in! 110 Lost Luggage So that's where it goes! 114 Judith & Jo Couch sitting cooze tickers! 120 FIiXXX Only the best filth here! 124 Jizz Bizz The latest scoop on cootch! 180 Sin Twins Pussies of pink, mouths of advice! 186 Susan Can you say "anal?" Editorial Note A load is worth about $50 at a sperm bank. So, why do chicks think we owe them after we bang 'em? I mean, financially speaking, we're leaving more than just a deposit. Yeah, it's a liquid asset, baby, but it's worth so much more! Anyway, finances and cum aside, I think it's time to earn a load! Why not take a gander at Jordan, Vanessa, Lindsey and Misty and get ready for blast-off! Or, dig Gauge, Susan, Erica, and Ember feel that special something! And if all else fails, check for a pulse, then check out Gia, Katie, Traci, Jo and Judith! Hey, if you were involved in any of the stories in this month's Tales of the Unexplained, chances are, your pulse was nonexistant! See, when a herd of elephants comes stompin' along for booze and you're in the way, guess who's getting squished? Sound weird? Just wait 'til you read "Death To All Mankind!" and see why some wild animals don't get much wilder than these! You know what else is wild? The fact that pirates still troll the seas looking for hapless and helpless victims! They've dtiched the parrot-on-the-shoulder look for some high-tech equipment, unsavory connections, and guns, guns, guns to terrorize the high seas and ports of the world! Even though they won't make you walk the plank (come on, whose yacht even has a plank anymore?) they will take your shit and kill ya! Yaaaargh! If you happen to survive the wild animal stampedes and bloodthirsty pirates, you gotta check out what has to be one of our most informative pieces ever! Swank's going to show you how to avoid getting ripped-off by escort services! And who better to tell the tale but an ex-escort gal? Man, if you love rent-a-chicks, but love your money even more, read this! And if that weren't enough, we've got the lowdown on where all your lost luggage goes to, outrageous Quickies, awesome Stuff, slick tips from Senor Swanky, hoot and holler with Horny Devils, the latest info in the Jizz Bizz, Flixxx and a "hole" lot more! —The Editors