Swank January 1999

6 Kirsty (Covergirl) Poolside fun with a platinum blonde! 14 Letters Hairy asses, public sex and a lesbian tryst! 18 Amanda & Hayley Talk about a slumber party! 26 Hell's Belle A star quarterback. A gorgeous girl. An accidental murder! 29 Louise An imported beauty shows you just what drives those European men crazy! 40 Dial Nikki The pornstar enjoys nature au natural! 42 Lisa & John A fishing expedition of a different sort! 50 Tales of the Unexplained Creatures so hideous that they have to be real! 54 Veronica We'd give anything to be that sponge! 62 Holli Woods Generation XXX She's the voice of a nude breea 64 Jessica, Emma & Helen Triple your pleasu -triple your fun! 72 Marilyn Star Ogle her photos, read her words, welcome our newest columnist. 82 Knight Moves The straight dope on where to meet girls! 84 Candy (Centerfold) She's a centerfold dream cum true and spread wide. 97 Swank Pranks The nuts n' bolts of comedy—one-liners! 100 Kristina & Kelvin Amateur movie-making at its finest! 110 XXX Video Another batch of filthy films to fawn over! 178 Chloe Sex-styles of the rich and infamous! EDITORIAL NOTE pick-up lines. Everyone's got'em. None of them work. So why do men continually use them? To kick off this year, the last year of the millennium, we are dedicating the editor's page to the all-time lamest pick-up lines ever used. Read on, because after this issue, we solemnly pledge to never use these lines on any of the pages of our books again — ever. Why? Because their stupid. You don't believe me, see for yourself... Say, Kirsty, do your feet hurt? Why? Because you've been running through my mind all day. Yo, Amanda, are you a thief? Why? Because it looks like you stole the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes. Hey, Hayley, that outfit looks good on you, but it'd look better lying on my bedroom floor! Had enough yet? Excuse me, Louise, but I'm just about to go for a drive in my brand-new Jaguar (Porsche, Ferrari, BMW, Mercedes, or any other comparably rich, boy-toy, male-inferiority complex substitute), would you like to come? Lisa, I'm sorry, but I just had to stop you. You are simply the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and if I didn't say something to you, I would never be able to forgive myself. Veronica, baby, you want some fries with that shake? Right about now, girls the world over are simultaneously sticking their fingers down their throats. But it gets worse, much worse. Jessica, what's your zodiac sign? Hey Emma, has anyone ever told you that you look a lot like [name of amazingly gorgeous supermodel or actress goes here]. Listen Helen, I'm not trying to pick you up, I just picked you out. Kristina, let me ask you a question — How do you like your eggs in the morning? But wait, there's more! Excuse me, Chloe, but is it hot in here? Oh, I guess it's just you! Say Candy, I've been wondering, does a mere mortal like me have a prayer of a chance with a goddess like you? And finally, I just have to ask you, Marilyn, what's it like to be a flower among all these weeds? There you have it, the lamest of the lame. We promise that any of these lines will guarantee nothing more than another night with rosy palm and the five sisters. Remember, the next time you're in a bar looking for women, watch your step — pick-up line cliches' abound. Later, The Editors